the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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