I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
