Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
