The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
