I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
