How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize