You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
