remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
