Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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