I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
