whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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