I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
