You're my little dorito
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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