Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
