Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
