im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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