Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
