Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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