U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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