if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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