I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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