Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
