You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My friends, they love my intelligence
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize