I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
