I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
