Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
