I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
