i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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