I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
