apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
