What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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