it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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