it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
