cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
