His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
