she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
