So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who died my cat blue again?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
