clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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