It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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