He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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