I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
