I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's always time for handjobs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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