thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
