I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
