11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
