I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
