Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize