Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
