The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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