fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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