Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
