i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
