Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
