dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
