Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
