The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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