Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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