that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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