I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
