i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
