Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
