She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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