Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
