New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
